


Broken

by HurricanesatDawn



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, I killed Sebastian again, M/M, Tragic Ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-30
Updated: 2012-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-04 14:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricanesatDawn/pseuds/HurricanesatDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world just feels so empty now. There’s no life left in it. Not for me. It shouldn’t be this way. It’s all your fault. </p>
<p>You didn’t even mean anything to me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

_I feel like I’m suffocating. The walls are slowly closing in around me and I don’t even know why. It’s never been this bad before. I’d gotten to the point where I barely even noticed it anymore. It was just sort of...there. In the back of my mind._

__Is this what it means to have a broken heart?

_I wake up some days and it takes everything I’ve got just to force myself out of bed. I don’t have enough inside me to care. About anything. The work means barely anything. I do it, of course I do. Can’t let all that time I put into it go to waste. But it’s more of a job than ever before. I used to love it. I’d put my everything into it. But now?_

You didn’t even mean anything to me.

_Food tastes like gravel. Even my favourite things don’t hold any real taste for me. There was never a moment that I wouldn’t be willing to eat certain things. Now it’s...nothing. Don’t know why. Don’t know how it happened._

You weren’t anything more than just another one of my employees.

_I spent five hours staring at the wall yesterday. Didn’t even realize that time had passed at all. I looked away for a moment, and when I looked back the sun had gone down and someone was banging on the door._

What gave you the right?

_I’m still wearing it. The suit. My suit. The one I was wearing that day. I only just realized that today. I’ve only taken it off at night. Then I put it back on, not even noticing that it was the same one. Tie’s all askew now. There are stains on the collar of the shirt. Was gonna send it down to the cleaners. But then I remembered that you weren’t there to do it._

Why can’t I stop thinking about you?

_I sat down to eat at my desk yesterday. No idea why. It was raining outside, thunder and lightning. One bite into my food, and I started crying. Just. Tears. Rolling down my cheeks. My hands were shaking. Couldn’t help but drop the fork. The plate fell too. Shattered all over the floor. I didn’t clean it up. I sat on the floor instead and kept eating. Pieces of glass and all._

I don’t understand anything anymore.

_My head hurts. I don’t know why. I can’t seem to stop crying at random points in the day. I can be just sitting there, doing paperwork or in a meeting, and I have to start sniffing back the tears. It’s becoming overwhelming._

Why are you doing this to me? Is it some sort of sick joke to you?

_I dreamt of you again last night. We were in a field together. Sun was high in the sky, flowers were blooming, birds were singing. You smiled at me. You were laughing at something, a joke, or just something I said. Then you stopped. You looked down at your chest and you were bleeding._

Stop it. Please. It isn’t funny anymore.

_I held you in my arms. We kissed, tears streaming down our faces. I couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t believe that you were actually dying on me. It didn’t seem right, somehow. Didn’t seem fair. I held you until the end. I didn’t let go after that. My clothes were covered in your blood and I was sobbing, rocking your body back and forth._

I hate you.

_Was that how you died? Did you die with me in your thoughts, was my name the last word that came from you lips? Did you wish that I was there to be with you in your last moments?_

What happened to make you do it?

_The flat’s a mess now. I fired the cleaning crew, I don’t want anyone in here. Which is ridiculous. It’s not even like you’d ever been in here for more than a few minutes at a time. I broke all the mirrors. Couldn’t stand to look at myself anymore._

I wish I’d never met you.

_Was I almost fated to this? Was I never meant to be happy? I have to concentrate most days to keep breathing. Otherwise I’ll forget. I’ve forgotten several times already. I just...stop. And then I’m choking and desperate, because as much as I hate it, I need air._

Was it because I said that I could never love you?

_They’re closing in on me at this point. Holmes and his men. The police. They’re going to catch me if I don’t do something to stop it. Don’t know if I want to anymore. Don’t know if I care. Do I care? Doesn’t seem like it._

I’m not going to apologize for that. I can’t.

_The world just feels so empty now. There’s no life left in it. Not for me. It shouldn’t be this way. It’s all your fault._

_You were the one that did this to me._

I was wrong.


End file.
